Hi there lovely Fetti people. I'm sorry if I don't make a lot of sense but you're the only people I wanted to turn to. I just wanted to talk to somebody.

Today my H2B sent me a text that said 'we need to talk.' He wants to cancel the wedding and cancel the engagement.
I know he has been unhappy lately. We have been having a few problems. We both moved in with my parents two years ago (because we were absolutely broke) which has taken a toll on our relationship, as he feels like this isn't his home. He is very miserable in his job. As am I. But I'm only working in that particular job because we were saving for a wedding.
I have been having a few health problems that haven't made things easy. I have retinitis pigmentosa (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Retinitis_pigmentosa) and last Nov, the doctors found swelling in the back of my eyes. They have put me on very strong pills since then in order to try and reduce it, but my body hasn't responded well to treatment. I have to traipse back and forth to the hospital, which is not fun all round and it is really taking it out of me.
H2B says he wants to wait until I'm healthy before we get engaged/married. He says he didn't propose to me in the way I deserved and doesn't want to just go through with the wedding because he feels like he has to.
All that is fine and totally understandable. Really sweet even, that he's thinking about me first. In fact there have been times when I thought I might actually have to postpone the wedding, for health reasons. I know my guests would understand and to be honest I would be sort of all right about it.

But he said something else. He doesn't want the wedding that I had planned. He says he doesn't want our venue or my family to be there, because he doesn't really like them that much. He says he's not sure he can look after me properly if I do go blind, he says I need to become more independent for him to respect me and (because I have a hereditary disorder) he doesn't think he can have children with me if there were to be something wrong with them (I can go to Moorfields Eye hospital and have a test to tell me the likelihood of any babies I have inheriting this disease). And he wants children very much.

I feel very numb about that part. I don't think I can begin to process it. I can't stop crying. I feel like shouting at him. Throwing things at him. I feel so guilty for being ill, and not being able to give him the life he wanted. In October, we will have been together 9 years. I just don't know what to do. I feel like the floor has kind of fallen away. His whole personality just seems to have changed lately and I've never seen him like this. He seems so angry and miserable and utterly unreachable. I have this awful feeling that although he's just saying he wants to cancel the wedding, really it feels like we are breaking up.

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