My post disappeared too! So, here goes again from me too.

Many, many weirdy Internet hugs from me too, Mog. I can't begin to understand how you must be feeling at the moment, and I haven't really got any words of wisdom, but just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you - both of you - and I hope you can work it out. The last nine years have to mean something. However, don't, whatever you do, feel guilty for being poorly. That isn't remotely within your control, and I guess that stress and guilt doesn't help.

Keep in touch, won't you? That's what we're all here for. Lots of hugs. Xxx

I'm so sorry hun. My only advice is to be very sure before you marry him that this man is going to be there for you for better, or for worse.
Actually he needs to be convincing you that he will. Anything else is less than you deserve and less than will ever work.

Maybe counselling would help or a talk with the vicar if you know him/her. Ours is fantastic and I'd have no qualms about seeing her.

Don't be tempted to brush these things under the carpet just because you love him. That's my advice and im sending you a huge hug. This is absolutely appalling to be honest xxxxx

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Oh button I'm so sorry to hear this I can only imagine what your feeling. Like everyone has said above once you've talked things through together you'll find out what you both want & where to go from there. Sending lots of hugs and please 'chat' to us lot on here as we're all here to listen, give support and know your ok x

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Oh Button...i'm so sorry you are going through this - i send you lots of love and strength and lots of big cuddles xx

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That's awful, so sorry to hear what you're going through. As all of the others have said, don't feel guilty for being ill... That's not fair. Sending you love!

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my wedding blog;
http://www.jenningz.wordpress.com

This must be so confusing and heartbreaking for you..... I reiterate the point that this illness is NOT your fault however, so please dont let things make you think that way.

I have to say, I was pretty angry when I read through your message (with my H2B who was also pretty speechless!!) I understand that he clearly is experiencing some real issues and perhaps heading towards some sort of breakdown is in fact where this is going, but, that said... I cant not comment on his demands that you marry without your family present because he doesnt get along with them... forgive me, but did you not say prior to this that you are both living with your family at the moment to help your financial situation? so, the way I took this was that hes happy for your family to put a roof over your heads whilst you get your lives in order but they are not invited to your wedding?!?! well thats gratitude!! apart from how short-sighted hes being, how on earth do YOU feel about his demands to not have them attend your wedding?!?

Sorry to sound a bit harsh but I just thought that comment (amongst many others!) stood out a bit....

It sounds like talking to him isnt going to achieve too much because hes not an open person - otherwise you wouldnt ever have reached this point because you'd have discussed things months ago....... which leads onto the option of getting him some sort of help or counselling. Is there a friend or family member hes closer to that can perhaps try talking to him?

Its such a terrible situation my heart really does go out to you - it sounds cliched I know but something good always comes out of something bad, it might take a while to see it but it will work out well in the end. Keep strong sweetie and as the other girls say, be sure to talk to us cyber-people as much as you need to. Big, big hugs xxxxxxxxx

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Button, Im very sorry I agree with everyones post and I hope you get through this horrible time stronger than ever.

*HUGS*

Lauren xx

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Big hugs sweetie. I think he needs to get some help and to talk to someone. Postponing a wedding on health grounds is one thing but making you feel guilty about being ill is appauling. Can't really offer much advice but i just hope that things get sorted for you and you know there is always someone on here to talk to.

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Button I am speechless! Which doesn't happen often!! I can say no better then the ladies before, just know that when you want to talk there will always be someone here to listen *Hugs* x x

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Oh Button I am so very sad for you. I don't really have any advice but I completely agree with Linda. If he can't vow to be there for you in sickness and in health, for better or for worse then I don't see how it can work. He should be supporting you through your illness and working out between you how you can be as independent as possible while still having his support where you need it. You DON'T have to manage your illness by yourself and you DON'T have to feel guilty about it.

Massive weirdy internet hugs, I really hope you work something out that will be best in the long run.

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Didnt want to read and run, No advice as each person is different but like the others I just wanted to say Im thinking of you x x x

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I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through, it does sound like he is having troubles of his own too, and perhaps he doesn't mean the things he has said. However, I agree with Lou - to live with your family, for them to help you out in your time of need and then for him to say they don't want them at the wedding, something is definitely not right there.

I hope you get things sorted x

Oh, and my first post disappeared too!

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I can't say more than people have already said but *hugs*

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Big hugs Button, I can't add anything as everyone else has said everything I'm thinking, but I hope you're OK.

Button I can see why you want to help as you can see he is in pain, but at the same time you have pain as well, and he should be wanting to help you to. If he is on the verge of some kind of breakdown then you both are going to need outside help. At the very least he is going to have to talk things through with you calmly. Maybe you should go and see someone, as it does sound like you need a friendly ear, and your situation doesn't sound like there are many of them around for you. I hope you managed to get some sleep last night xxx

Oh Button... I dont even know what to say. I feel so sad for you, I cant get my head round it.

Like others have said, by marrying you agree to standby each other in sickness and in health. This shouldnt be a question if you love each other. I found out that I have a disease/medical condition gynecology related which means I doubt I'll ever be able to have children. My H2B has always wanted children, and he made that clear from the outset. When I found out I told him that he could walk away if he had to, because I knew he needed children in his life and it wasnt fair to expect him to stay with someone who probably cant if its what he wants in life. He was shocked and appalled I even suggested it. He wants to be with me, he loves me, if we cant have children then it's something we'll work through together. So I can understand why he may have negative feelings about not being able to have children, but he should love you more than that and children should be something you're willing to look at together, discuss options, but be happy enough with each other that it wont matter if you cant. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! Look how strong you are, the prospet of possibly using your sight is unimaginable, but look how strong you are, it's incredible. I'd have fallen apart by now (I'm very weak) but you havent. Dont say you wish your were a stronger person, you';re stronger than you think you are.

Things can be said when we're upset or feeling unwell. I wouldnt say what he said, though they are horrible, are unforgiveable. I've said some awful things to my H2B in the past when I was on medication for previosuly mentioned problem and it made me a nutter (no seriously, big time). But I wasnt well, and my H2B forgave me, in fact he never mentioned it again. So I think what he has said and done, if he is ill and you want to, they can be forgiven, but that is up to you if you can and up to him to sort himself out.

I really hope you are ok Button. Remember we are all here for you, any time of the day, there is always someone here with open arms. xxxx

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Oh Button I dont know what to say that hasnt been said. I understand him getting jitters before a wedding, its a massive commitment and men do get funny about commitment, but his behavious about your illness is awful. Remember hun, its not your fault. He needs to realise this and come to terms with it, it sounds like he is struggling atm. Fingers crossed things get a bit better and sending you a lots of internet hugs.

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*big hugs* Buttonmog!

What an awful situation to be in!- none of it is your fault though so please dont feel guilty-the feact is marriage is for for worse in sickness and in health!! clearer he doesnt feel at the moment that he is able to commit to that which is a real shame

If you can try and get him to see his doctor or you called relate and see what they say, there will be help out there for your h2b just hope he comes to his senses and accepts it!

Thinking of you x

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This is exactly what I was trying to say in my earlier post but Lyllian has said it much better.

xxx

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** Became a Pumpkin on 29th June 2012 **