Oh hunny huge hugs (((())))

Have you sat down with your Mum and told her how much this is hurting you?
Also has she admitted that she has a drink problem? I know it's a bit of a cliche but she's not going to change unless she realises what the drink is doing to herself and those around her.

If she does want help, maybe suggest going to support groups with you so you can get an understanding of how she feels and she might understand how you feel too being able to talk about it.

If you still feel she doesn't want help and continuing to behave in the same way, maybe tell her she needs to accept help or you will seriously consider whether or not to invite her to the wedding. It sounds harsh but it might kickstart her in the right direction.

Sorry for rambling on, hope your family can help support you too.

xx

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Sending hugs, can't be easy going through this xx

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awch that must hurt, I'm so sorry that happened to you. But congrats on getting your dream dress. I hope your Dad was loving the experience.

After reading a report from a bride on here with an alcoholic parent (think may have been Ka) were that parent really wrecked a large part of their day, its going to have to be something you'll have to think about.

Hug to you! I hope time heals this.

Thanks ladies.

MrsAJtobe, it has been a very long road with my mum, sometimes she admits to her problem other times she is in conplete denial, even after 20+ years of ripping our family apart. She has tried to get help in the past and gone a few months without a drink but before long it all starts up again. I think that since i have not been living at home my dad has tried to hide it from me but im very aware of the problem.

I have told her in the past that if she did not change then she would not be welcome at our wedding as she has ruined so many things before. When we got engaged she said that she understood why I didnt want her there but really wanted me to give her another chance (she has had endless chances in the past and everytime I say its her last) but I agreed as deep down I want her to be involved.

The problem is, if I say she cant come I think this will cause problems with my Dad and I dont think he would enjoy himself as much because for some unknown reason he still worships the ground she walks on??!! This in itself infuriates me.

Sorry for the rant, I just feel so lost with it all.

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What a horrid situation to be in. It must be hard because she's your mum, but I don't think that it's going to change. If it's been this way for 20 odd years then I don't see what would change things for her now. You poor, poor thing - I really do feel for you. Obviously it's your decision to make, but I think you're hoping that your mum is going to be someone that she either can't or won't. And if she comes to the wedding you need to expect her to behave the way that she usually does.
Such a horrible thing, alcoholism. All consuming.
Lots of love and weirdy internet hugs to you
xxx

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H2b dad,in our opinion is an alcoholic (he refuses to acknowledge this). His mum and dad divorced over 20yrs ago yet he still hasn't got over it. Despite both remarrying(he got divorced as she said that his obsession with h2b mum destroyed their marriage) she remains married & he still continues to cry over her.He would continually get drunk start reminiscing about good times they had before then starting to call her all names under sun. This upset h2b & on many occasions he threatened to disown him. He would always apologise afterwards. Once when we went out together he got that drunk snd started his usual crying rant that the bouncer advised h2b to take him home. Over the years despite having a girlfriend he would bombard h2b with phone calls/text asking why she wouldn't talk to him before then calling her all sorts of abusive names. i even tried to tell him he had to stop as it was hurting h2b & he needed to move on after all these years, but he still continued. H2b wouldn't speak to him for months & he'd plead with him, saying sorry never happen again. Last year he started on his hate filled rant again & his gf rang to apologise(she often did this) ,but h2b had enough. He'd been putting up with it for years,once having to break into his dad flat as he had got that drunk he rang h2b crying for help as he didn't know where he was and couldn't even remember where he lived begging h2b to take him home. Only when they got home did he realise he lost his wallet& keys so h2b had to break in his flat & drag him upstairs & put him to bed. Gf rang next day to apolpgise but h2b said it was last chance as yet again all way there he'd been.saying nasty things about his mum. Even cab driver said he he felt sorry for h2b. Last year h2b decided he had enough when he started to get drunk earlier & earlier in day bombarding h2b with usual rant.Ringing him at work & getting really drink when out with h2b & h2b best mate he got that bad they had to carry him.home so best mate also heard his ranting and crying and was so shocked as he'd grown up around him but never realised he was that bad. That was last straw & he hasn't spoke to him since. His dad would leave messages on his phone begging for another chance but h2b refused & changed his contact number. I've often asked him if he regrets it& he says no admitting that having him at wedding & in his life was a massive mistake as he knew that all he wanted to do was get close to his mum. Despite beibg told she not interested in him at all. He knew having him at wedding he would have just caused chaos and says tghat since not having him in his life he has become a more positive happy.person as he no longer has burden of dad & the guilt he always used to make him feel has gone. H2b confidence has improved so.much since they don't speak& he's generally happier now as he knows his dad will never change & has accepted for that reason he can't be part of his life. You have to decide what ultimately is best for you not your dad. If she is likely to cause a scene then your dad has to understand your reasons for not having her there.

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Hi Katy88,

Just wanted to offer support and let you know that you're not alone. My mother is also an alcoholic (in complete denial) who's behaviour has hurt and hurt again over the years, and I too am worried about her behaviour at the wedding. No words can make up for what your mum has done, but I find at times like this it helps to focus on HTB and our future together being the most important thing. As for the wedding my HTB simply states that he will not allow HER problem to become OUR problem, if she makes a fool of herself then it will be her issue to deal with, it will NOT ruin our day.

Now I try to limit my contact with her to times I think she will be sober, and try to be grateful that there is still a part of her that is still my mum (I avoid as much as possible the alcoholic part of her)

Hope you feel better soon.

Thanks ladies.

Your kind words and advice have really helped me understand that I am not alone. Having a parent who is an alcoholic is so hard and I feel for anyone in a similar situation.

I guess I am just gonna have to see how things go over the next year. I don't want to have to exclude her but like many of you have said its about me and h2b now

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Hi katy,
my mother is a recovering alcoholic, so I know the pain you are feeling, not to mention the worry and stress her condition causes. for years my mother used to drink to excess and become a real jekyll and hide character, saying the most awful things to me, falling down and making a fool of herself. She would become a completely different person when drinking/drunk.. and them so remorseful when sober.. like you, I had heard the excuses and the promises so many times.. then in 2010 she went to AA. This has made an amazing change in her.. she has been (touch wood) dry since this day and has support and councilling. I know you are very angry and hurt and I can totally sympathise with you.. especially at such a wonderfully special time for you as this.. but people who are addicted to alcohol are usually using it as a crutch to deal with issues that affect them deep down.. (my mum was hiding child hood abuse from us all) ... can you talk to your mum? Im sure you have suggested help before, but maybe arrange someone for her to talk to outside of the family that could make her see she doesnt have to be this alone and using drink to cope?
I know you want to be angry and run away and ignore her... but i guarantee she needs you not to give up on her ... just yet anyway.. try talking to her. straight talking. for my mother, the thought that I would exclude her from my wedding was enough to get her to take a step to help and recovery. I wish you well. xx